Each for the Other

Prompted by my mom to write out my Wedding message from my nephew’s ceremony, here are some thoughts that I shared with my nephew and his bride on their Wedding day. I read these Scripture passages, Philippians 2:1-13 and Ephesians 5:21-33, and they are the foundation of my thoughts.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Phil. 2:1-13)

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph. 5:21-33)

Bryan Chapell, in his book Each for the Other, tells a story of a Christian couple that has tried to live out what the Bible says about marriage but have felt their love draining from their relationship. They were both raised in the church and went to a Christian college and yet their marriage was in trouble. Unfortunately, this story is not unusual. In the last year, I know of at least three young couples raised in the church and married for about one or two years who have divorced or seeking a divorce. Furthermore, those of us who are married must be honest and admit that at times we too have struggled to love our spouse well or are currently struggling in loving one another well in our marriages.

Is there any hope for us? What do these passages have to say to my nephew and new niece as they start their new life together? What do they say to us?

As I reflect on the passages, three foundational realities are important for us to remember in our married relationships. We have the same love, the same mind and the same Savior.

Same Love - Sacrifice
v. 2, “having the same love”; v. 4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

If our marriages are going to work, then sacrificial love must be evident in them. What do I mean? If you are a Christian, then you have the love of Jesus Christ dwelling within you. Now that is amazing reality for us to understand but also rest in. It is His love for us ultimately expressed in His sacrificial death on the cross for our sins that enables us to love sacrificially. It is His love that resides in us that enables us to put our spouse’s interest before ourselves. It is His love in us that will help the husband forsake a golf outing or Ravens/Redskins game with the boys so that he can spend some catch up quality time with his wife. It is His love in us that will empower the wife to let him enjoy those times with the men. It is His love in us that the husband can sacrifice his own TV personal time to share his day with his bride. It is His love in us that the wife can trust her husband to make a major decision for their family. I think you get my drift.

Not only do we have the same love that resides in us but also we have the same mind. If you are a follower of Jesus, then you have the mind of Christ. WOW!

Same Mind - Humility
v. 2 “being of the same mind”; v. 5, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”

The second foundational reality is that humility must be evident in our marriages. There is a story in the Gospel of Luke, chapter seven about a woman with a bad reputation that anoints Jesus’ feet with expensive perfume. What is so radical about this story is that she did this at a religious leader’s dinner party for Jesus. She was not invited but barged in to show her need for Jesus’ forgiveness. Simon the religious leader was very indignant and wrongly judged both Jesus and this woman for allowing this to happen. However, Jesus tells Simon a short story about forgiveness. He shows Simon that the one who understands their great need of forgiveness will show humility and thankfulness. You see the sinful woman was closer to Jesus than the “righteous” religious leader or should I say self-righteous religious leader. Why? Because she understood that she was a sinner who needed grace. She understood that she was a big sinner but Jesus was a bigger Savior.

As we approach our marriage, we too need to have the same mind of the woman in this passage. Jeff is the bigger sinner and because I am, I know that I need Jesus’ forgiveness and then I can show grace, humility and forgiveness to my wife. Jesus himself showed ultimate humility when he left his father’s perfect throne to live in a broken world so that he could die the death of a sinner even though he never sinned. He willingly and voluntarily died for us sinners so that we can be made right with God. But also because his humble mind resides in us that we might show this same kind of humility to others. So when your spouse offends you, you can forgive her/him because you are grasping the forgiveness God has given you in Jesus Christ.

We have the same love and we have the same mind in our marriage. More impressively, we have the same Savior.

Same Savior – Presence and Power!

The third foundational reality we see expressed in these two passages is that because Jesus has died on the cross for us and has forgiven our sins and has cleansed us by his blood, we have his presence and power. If you belong to Jesus by faith, then you have His very presence and power—the same power that raised Himself from the dead. Triple WOW!!

Every Christian couple has Jesus’ presence and power in order to love one another as God intended. We will fail but the reality for us is that He is more than able to provide all we need to grow in our relationship as husband and wife. God has given us the power to forgive; the power not to hold grudges and be resentful and bitter; the power to put her interest before yourself; the power to trust one another; the power to have hard and honest conversations with one another; to power to have God glorifying sex; the power to live at peace with one another; the power to serve others together; and the power to grow more deeply in love with one another. The list can go on, you fill in the other ways.

These are our foundational realities for every Christian couple. Because we belong to Jesus Christ, we share the same love, the same mind, and the same Savior.

I think of my parents who just this year celebrated 56 years of marriage. Man, this is an amazing accomplish for this world to take notice! They will confess though that it wasn’t always “bliss” and at times their relationship faced much difficulties, and at one point their marriage was on the brink of divorce. But God intervened and their Lord and Savior Jesus began to do a gracious work within them. Christ’s Spirit enabled them to grow in sacrifice and humility. He enabled them to value one another and appreciate their respective talents and personality. They are not perfect but they each depend upon their Savior to make their marriage work. They are growing in depending on the Jesus to express the three foundational realities in their lives.

May God give us the grace as well in our relationships! We need that grace!!

Warmly,

Pastor Jeff